Top tips for Dads-to-be

I always say that becoming a dad is a bit like landing the most incredible job of your career. And yet, each of us comes into it with no qualifications, no experience and no real clue what the next few months and years have in store. 

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There’s a huge amount to learn, and fast - a whole new world of pregnancy and parenting knowledge that you never knew anything about. You’ll need to make changes to so many aspects of your daily life, from your home and job to your social life and priorities. And the clock is ticking, with less than nine months to get your house in order before the hard work really begins. 

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It’s a big transition. But never forget… as much as you will have to adapt, for the next nine months and beyond your partner will be doing the lion’s share.

For all the talk of pregnancy being a magical time (which in many ways it is), more than anything it’s a tough old slog. A marathon of epic proportions. Not only is every mum-to-be physically growing a baby inside her (which is an incredible feat of human biology in itself), but her whole life is about to be turned upside down.

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Her body will change and her hormones will go into overdrive as she’s confronted with physical and emotional pressures like she’s never experienced before. This pregnancy will affect her sleep and zap her energy levels, bringing weird cravings, morning sickness, phantom pains and bladder weakness. On top of that, it will impact her mental load, her anxieties, her career and her relationships, in ways us guys can never imagine. 

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As the dad-to-be of this new baby, the better prepared and more sensitive you are to what your partner is going through, the stronger your relationship will become and the more positive this whole experience will be for you both. 

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Inform yourself

First things first, download one of the many excellent (and free) pregnancy tracking apps onto your phone, which provide useful weekly updates on how your baby is growing and what your partner is experiencing at every stage. Though most of these apps are designed for mums-to-be rather than us dads, you’ll still learn a huge amount and reassure your partner that you’re serious about supporting her through this pregnancy.

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Be her unwavering wingman

Make it a priority to attend every check-up and scan with your partner. Each one brings with it a huge mix of emotions; from excitement and anticipation at finally getting the chance to see your baby and get confirmation that all is well, to fear, worry, and anxiety at what it might reveal. It’s important that you're there to provide the support your partner needs in the moment.

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Similarly, from the third trimester, new opportunities will open up for you to join parenting groups and attend breastfeeding clinics. Join as many as you can (yes, even the breastfeeding clinics), as the better informed you are, the more helpful you can be down the line. 

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Build an early connection with your baby

Lots of dads can feel somewhat disconnected during pregnancy – like an outside observer rather than an active participant - which can affect how quickly we bond with our babies after birth. To minimise this, carry your ultrasound scan around with you and proudly show it off to anyone willing to look. Talk to your partner’s bump whenever you can. Not only does it help build that early connection, but studies have also shown that it can help your baby recognise your voice sooner after they’re born. And take every opportunity to put your hand or cheek on your partner’s stomach when she tells you the baby’s kicking. I guarantee you’ll never have wanted to be kicked in the face more.

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Be ready earlier than you think

Try and be fully ready, with your hospital bags packed and everything in place for your new arrival, at least a month before your due date. Although we're often told how common it is for firstborn babies to arrive late, that really is just an old wives’ tale. Our first gave us the surprise of our lives when he arrived a month early, and we were nowhere near as prepared as we wanted to be. Try not to make the same mistake we did; it piled on a load of extra stress at the start of our parenting life, which every knackered new parent could do without.

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And don’t forget the crucial next part...

As important as it is to educate yourself about the different stages of pregnancy and how to support your partner through each one, make sure you also get up to speed on what to expect at the birth and your first few months of parenthood. Do your research and get a head start before your little one arrives, whilst you still have the time, energy and headspace to do it.

Giles created his blog - www.youthedaddy.co.uk - which quickly became a favourite with new parents around the world, drawn in by his humour, honesty and reassuring, practical advice. 

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His first book You the Daddy: The Hands-On Dad’s Guide to Fatherhood is published by Summersdale, £14.99

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https://summersdale.com/titles/giles-alexander/you-the-daddy/9781837991259/

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https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/search/ref=sr_adv_b/?field-isbn=9781837991259&tag=hachetteuk-21

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Find out more at www.youthedaddy.co.uk

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